In Montreal People Who Don’t Speak English Are Uneducated Bigots
About 10 or 15 years ago Blockbuster opened their first Montreal franchise on Ste.Catherine Street, between the Forum and Guy Metro. About every second evening me and my roommate JF would walk all the way up the hill from St.Henri to rent some videos because, a. we had no real professional or social obligations to speak of in those blissful days of our early twenties, and b. because the only commerce going on in St.Henri back then was the sale of beer and steamed hot dogs.
At Blockbuster there was this one employee that we called Tommy. Poor Tommy, we used to say, he just doesn’t get it. He wasn’t a bad bloke—although a bloke he certainly was—but he always had a look of confusion on his face and permanent hesitation in his movement.
One phenomenon that absolutely mystified Tom was that almost every single night me and JF bring to his counter a movie in English, and then proceed to address him and conduct the transaction in French.
Every single time Tom would pick up the VHS, open the box, read the title aloud, and then, with a grimace, tried to warn us: Mais… sé en Anglèse.
Je sais, I would answer. C’est cool.
Tom would then take our money and stare at us as we left the store, dumbfounded by these two French dudes who kept renting movies they couldn’t understand!
Poor Tommy. He just didn’t get it.
Mercifully guys like Tommy are rare in Montréal. We French bastards and Angry separatists are usually able to consume our hearts fill of Anglo-American pop culture and simultaneously uphold our right to be served in French simultaneously, without any problem. I can go to a downtown cinema, buy my ticket in French, buy my Pepsi and gummy bears in French, ask directions to the pimpled employees in French and even share my always entertaining and insightful commentary on the movie with my companion of the evening in French, and still enjoy the new Transformer movie in the original English version.
I don’t switch to English when I buy my Engelbert Humperdink CDs at HMV. I don’t try to order in Japanese when I order sushi. I can go to a bookstore, purchase a book in English and even discuss it with a librarian, speaking only French. Even when I go to McGill’s library to photocopy scientific papers and gawk at young girls from New Jersey I make it a point to speak exclusively in French with the staff.
Not only is speaking French not a problem at McGill, I’m pretty sure I get better service than English-speaking chumps. Staff seems to light up and come to life. It’s like it’s something new and interesting happening. Oh, French! I know this! I can do this!
Or maybe I’m just better looking than you are…
This said, poor Tommy’s are still out there.
Last week Eric Amber, the guy who runs the Ste.Catherine Theater downtown, sent out an email to all of Québec’s cultural media and institutions promoting his venue’s lineup as part of the Zoofest, a new comedy festival run by the folks at Juste pour Rire/Just for Laughs. When a few people complained that the email was only in English and demanded to be contacted in French or taken off their mailing list, mister Amber blew a gasket.
His theater’s shows were in English and, therefore, there was no point advertising them in French, essentially wrote the promoter, who, like poor Tommy, cannot comprehend that someone who has learned English does not immediately abandon his tribal language.
« You obviously can’t read English because you are an uneducated bigot », was the eloquent response of the theater to the demands for a French email. « Go fuck yourself. »
Sure, I’ll do that in a sec., but before I go I’d just like to point out to the Eric’s and Tommy’s out there that there are roughly 500.000 to 750.000 Anglophones in Québec and about 3 million Francophones like me who speak, read and consume English-language culture but still expect to be informed and to buy our tickets in French.
If you think you can run a business by only catering to « real » Anglos while four fifths of your potential market is jacking off in the shower, good luck with that.
We have our answer! As I’m about to upload this post, I learn that Eric Amber and the people at St.Catherine Theater do not want money spent by people who still nostalgically hang on to their backward cultures. He is shutting his theater down and moving on to some other city where only people who have completely abandonned their primitive ways are allowed to talk back to the Anglos, somewhere like Toronto or Singapour:
« Due to the overwhelming racism and bigotry in French society toward minorities and non-french cultures, Theatre Ste-Catherine will be closing in protest. Effective immediately TSC will no longer be accepting bookings and will closed permanently Dec. 21, 2009.»
Cool. Now maybe some uneducated bigot like Gilbert Rozon, who happens to run the biggest English-language comedy festival in the world, or André Ménard or René Angelil can buy back the theater and make some money while Eric Amber relocates to Peterborough where no linguistic and cultural bastards will try to crash his productions.
Why should I bust neurons dealing with you?
Jean Naimard
August 10, 2009 at 12:04 am
Y’know, the funny thing is, this all resulted from a discussion about a sticker campaign that, from what I can tell, we all more or less agree was a bad idea, poorly implemented and insulting to both anglophones and francophones (okay, maybe Jean doesn’t agree or give a shit about that last part).
To recap, the HIGHLY OFFENSIVE??? post of mine above was me speculating how some anglos might react. For my own opinion, you can see the post at the bottom of this page. How Jean or AFGirl concluded from that that I’m a raging angryphone rhodesian who wants to dominate the poor Quebecois boggles my fucking mind! Blind paranoia was the best explanation I could come up with and Jean has done nothing to disprove that theory.
RoryBellows
August 10, 2009 at 7:16 am
What is offensive is that the english (and many french merchants) will think that french is synonymous with less profit.
Jean Naimard
August 10, 2009 at 9:50 am
That document is full of straw men arguments. The authors ought to be ashamed of themselves.
Marc
August 19, 2009 at 11:39 pm
Fascinating, a blog completely devoted to the preservation and promotion of the French language, yet entirely in English!
Angry English Guy
September 11, 2009 at 4:15 pm
God how i hate the Quebecois joual. It reminds me of the poor southern drawl in the deep South. Ouch hurts my ears and makes y’all sound so dumb and stupid. Stupid is a s stupid does …. Hee haa y’all!!!
amelia
September 21, 2009 at 3:29 pm
Dumb separatists like you are only good for making problems and fighting all the time. Get a job and start working. Get off the computer and work for a living instead of depending on the money of Canadian taxpayers already. Sheesh the French have no pride at all.
amelia
September 21, 2009 at 3:32 pm
Dumb federalists like you are only good for creating the problems in the first place, and refusing to change and to adapt. Learn french and speak clear. Get off the crumpets and adapt to the majority of the people here instead of expecting to run the show just because you’re english. Sheesh, the english have no sense of humanity at all.
Johan Neymaard
September 21, 2009 at 8:26 pm
Some of us olderphones have really tried to communicate in French, but the Parisian style lingo taught to us in highschool in the 60’s by unilingual English speakers just didn’t workout. Even did my B.A. at a French university but still don’t have the aptitude. Some of us would if we could, please never assume that if we don’t address you in French that it is purposeful, and mean-spirited. Life is difficult enough is any language. Montreal was a fantastic city when I was a kid, not so much anymore.
angry olderphone
October 18, 2009 at 3:07 pm
Is this where I leave a comment?
Mike
November 8, 2009 at 12:14 am
Maybe more francs should embrace the English language as it is internationally accepted around the world instead of staying in their little seperatist bubble. And re movie theatres, why do we sit through french advertising in English movie theatres. Do the french ones show you English commercials? Big pet peeve. Oh, and if you work with the public you should be BILINGUAL.
Jen
November 28, 2009 at 8:44 am
[...] quote of the year: Eric Amber. « You obviously can’t read English because you are an uneducated bigot. Go fuck [...]
Segregation, gangsters, dead african dictators and fabulous cops. AngryFrenchGuy’s Quebec 2009 « AngryFrenchGuy
December 27, 2009 at 8:48 pm
I wanted to know, what’s the deal with you and why are you angry?
I thought Quebec is already been declared in the federal government as a Nation already?
So that means whenever the people want to leave they can go, isn’t it?
Check out Galganov’s site and he’ll explain in detail why Quebec will be leaving in the near future.
I think it’ll be great! Quebec can be a French republic and Canada can get back to it’s British heritage and culture. Everyone will be happy just like the Czech and Slovak people.
Ben
January 22, 2010 at 8:59 pm
are you commenters for real??? Long live Angry French Guy!
Neon Rabbit
January 26, 2010 at 4:37 pm
montreal is my city too..I speak three languages,started a business 25 yes agoo,pay lots of taxes to the Fu…en Quebec gov t and have been living here since birth… My kids were educated in both languages and are respectful of both cultures…but I have this to say about Montreal francophones..say about 50per cent of them are the biggest bigots in north america and they live in a glass box..they have an inferiority complex and are taking it out on anybody that lives in English…. It s time to smell the coffee and wake up…try living in harmony and you ll be happier…give it a Try!
Mario the canadian
February 6, 2010 at 10:26 pm
I live far away from Quebec,
(thank God!) you separatists are nothing but snot nose whiners, your dumb ass language laws effect everything from coast to coast… Adapt! Get over it, you don’t even speak respectable french!!!
Moose Rocket
February 7, 2010 at 12:04 am